Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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