Whod you bang
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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