I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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