We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
