Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
