I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
