Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
