I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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