so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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