Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
