My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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