so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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