She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
