thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
