i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
