A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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