Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
