You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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