She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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