Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
