You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
