I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
