You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
