this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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