return my video game
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
