is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
