Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize