No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
