you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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