I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
