I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
