How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
There's even glitter on my cock...
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