no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
