Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
