we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
