i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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