she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
