My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
