Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
