I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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