Where is the hickey?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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