if you like me you must not know who I am
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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