How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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