non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The power of my boobs compel you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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