i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need a beard to bite.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
