It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
