Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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