At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
this will be a night to untag.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
