Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
