I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
