The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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