Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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