My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
