Will you blow on my dice?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
