If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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