I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
